The Most Important Lesson I learnt about Getting Married

I know many young men when they hit the age of 25 they certainly face the reality that marriage life is beckoning! It’s been a while since I saw 25 come and go and I am still counting years. Not until the recent past that one of my aunts asked me ‘Meku andu aku’ loosely translated as where is your family (wife and possibly kids)?  Social pressure comes from all quarters and when you turn to your buddies who are married there you are unwelcomed.

Women are very notorious for demanding commitment without understanding why most young men fear getting committed and settling down to build a family. So this is the lesson from my married friend who is in his thirties married for half a decade.

I had asked him if I was getting late since one of my closest buddies is getting married soon. He began by a quote ‘ If you want to get fleas sleep with dogs’ If you are in the company of people who constantly want to influence you to getting married you will certainly get married.

I am not opposed to people getting married in fact it’s your responsibility to do so but we need to examine some facts that are making modern marriage a fail.  My friend continued with his lesson that I would call the 

4 D (Dream, Desire,  Drama, Depth)

Dream

Most young bachelors are stuck in this stage where they are dreaming of the most gorgeous lady, the beautiful curves, the brainy chick, the most adorable yet
caring lady. Most of all this is a day dream what other people refer as ‘Mental Masturbation’. For ladies their equivalent for the dream is Tall, Dark, Handsome Wealthy and ……blah blah blah.………

Moving away from the dream makes marriage a more achievable thing. It’s unfortunate that some people transcend their entire young adulthood without getting over with the dream stage. This is the reason why we have so many unmarried young women waiting for the Nigerian Pastors Conference …. (Hope you remember that one) My friend urged me to get out of dream stage if I am on that stage.

Desire

This is where many Kenyan bachelors can be categorized. They have seen it all and realized that they cannot ever have their dream girl now they are willing to go for something that is negotiable. They often get into a craving  what you would call a DESIRE. You will hear most say…’ I am searching for … certain characteristics that I don’t find’

One lesson I learnt from American motivational Speaker Brain Tracy is : Sometimes we keep dreaming and desiring imaginary things that we fail to see the beautiful flowers that are blooming right in front of our eyes! So let’s move to the next stage

Drama

This is the pre-marriage sought of arrangement  often called the ‘come we stay’ this is the place you are either going to build it or break it. My friend said that once you are successfully done with the drama your marriage has a fairly good chance of survival but not always.

Depth 

My friend insisted that  Depth  is the most crucial stage because it is the stage you get into depth of knowing who you are married to and whether you married for companionship or partnership.

He concluded by saying marriage of the modern world should be for partnership rather than companionship.  He argued that a partner is better than companionship since the primary need for a partner is to be a helper.  The best description that befits a helper is a partner rather than companion. Very confusing !

Whether this advice is the best or bogus is  a subject of debate but it is always said ‘marry your friend not your lover’

After listening to this advice I realized I have a long way to go!

Have a good day and Subscribe for future updates