A lady that puts a good guy in the friend zone, dates a free roaming guy then goes ahead to complain about being treated like trash. This is a lady that prefers to take the taxi all the time yet she struggles to pay her rent. A lady that makes your mother pray for you every night and Sunday: So that you find a better woman.
I have realized that in our generation, ratchetness is socially transmitted. It’s a belief, a disease. That’s why you find a lady who has spent most of her life in Gatundu or Meru forcing an accent that sounds more Lebanese or Dutch than it does English. You take her for lunch in one of those fish and chips joints in town then she goes, “This place is so crowded, I can’t breathe! It’s so stuffy. There are even no electric fans here. OMG! You normally eat here? Kwani you earn a four-figure salo?” And so on.
She then orders full chicken, makes a few pinches here and there then pulls out her phone to call a success wannabe while you watch. A few days later, after the wannabe has slept with her then disappeared; you find her complaining how men are cruel creatures on Facebook.
Sometimes I wonder what is going on. Have we given up on common decency and self-respect? I can’t judge for sure but I can as well point out. Here are some of the characteristics that ratchet ladies possess:
1. Pretense and fake lifestyles.
I am really not a perfect human being myself but when I have misdemeanors or character imperfections that other people are uncomfortable with, I do my best to change. I don’t settle and say whoever doesn’t like me can go to hell. It’s not about pleasing everyone; it’s about being respectable. You don’t have to try so hard to prove a point. If the things you are doing are worthy of recognition, people will just see. Don’t pretend you are doing well in life when you aren’t.
The other day in a matatu, I sat next to this lady with tons of make-up, a green weave and multi-coloured nails. She had an expensive Samsung tablet which she kept on playing with. Then a call came through. She answered, forgetting that the tablet was on speaker mode. A pissed off lady began yelling at her.” Shiko utanilipa deni yangu ama nitaenda nibebe hizo chipo mwitu zenye mama yako huuza. Unadhani utakua unanitoroka kila time nikikuja kwako Githurai?” Everyone in the matatu chorused a huge laughter, orchestrated by the conductor himself. The embarrassment was devastating
2. Misplaced priorities
Ratchet ladies dislike anything with a positive course. They hate church, class, work, community help programs and such. These ladies would rather get half-naked and drunk than to sit through a meeting or a networking event. They will leave their kids at home by themselves, to follow the latest “baller” somewhere. The club is there go-to destination every single weekend.
These are the same ladies that believe they are models just because they get 100 likes on their Instagram and Facebook pictures. They spend the better part of their days replying messages with, “Awww……thanks, Really? You are so funny! I know…..bla bla.” They believe beauty is everything. Most women legends in history didn’t even have outer beauty, they had inner beauty.
Nikki Lauda, a legendary Formula One driver and one of the most influential people in sporting history once said, “If people are hovering over you all the time, it doesn’t mean you are awesome, it just shows they don’t respect you and fear you enough. It shows you have something they need.” Think about it and you realize it’s true. A groupie wouldn’t hover around Jay Z but she would definitely hover around Gucci Mane or Chief Keef.
Ladies, any man trying to get at you in the club or your inbox is hoping you are too dumb to realize that he just wants to get in those drawers. Ratchet ladies think when men hit on them all the time, it’s a sign that they are goddesses.
3. Weird appearances
These ladies never realize that it’s just a matter of wearing what compliments you and not what you think is trendy or hot right now. We men can judge women by how they dress. By her level of decency, we can tell whether she’s worthy of long term pursuit or short term pursuit. Then there is this hair problem no one is addressing. Women and young girls everywhere choosing to put cheap plastic strands in their hair, wearing ill-fitted wigs and lacefronts in the summer time, and not properly having them applied, it’s all so obvious. Hair professionals everywhere should be pulling these potential clients to the side and recommending some appropriate alternatives to help our sisters look good. I won’t even suggest that ratchet sisters borrow a leaf from Lupita. It would be too cliche.
I always stop and say a silent prayer when voluptuous ladies squeeze into anything that is not physically made to withstand their God-given curves, when skinny ladies wear close to nothing, desperate for attention. Dear ratchet ladies, stuffing your flesh into clothes too small, and letting whatever hangs out… just hang out, makes everyone nauseous. We men love all types of girls, big, small or average. But there’s always a short window of opportunity during which we decide whether a lady is a whore or a queen.
We just hate girls who don’t embrace the fact that they are big or small, too caught up in thinking they can measure up to a few video vixens and not staying in their lane. Being half-naked doesn’t make your fat or bones more appealing, it just makes them more visible. Stop it! Save the nakedness for a self-appreciation photo shoot, your guy or a nude beach, and keep it out the nightclubs and off the bus stops
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