Do Kenyan Men Deny Wives Conjugal Rights feigning Headaches?

Many marriages begin by the groom running marathons in the bedroom to his young wife’s chagrin. But a few years on, it is the wife who becomes the instigator as men suddenly discover ‘low’ moments when they don’t want ‘disturbance’.

This surprises women who, barely a year earlier, believed that men are annoyingly ‘automatic’ — like a switch.

But truth is that tables turn and by the time men are in their 30s and 40s, it is them who are often ‘not in the mood’. Pushed to the wall by sexually demanding wives and fearing to have their fragile egos bruised, they have devised hilarious strategies to evade that vital marital obligation without being deemed ‘useless’.

Joel Ombati, knows too well that his wife hates his mother: “Anything about my mother and she gets irritated instantly. So I make sure I yap lot about my mother and all her stalled projects that I intend to kick-start — a conversation that irritates my wife so much that it sends her to bed unusually early,” says the 30 year-old Nairobi based urban planner.

Foolproof

“It works like magic. It can switch off her excitement in a flash. I just have to, for instance, tell her that we need to visit mum or she is coming over, and all the excitement she had disappears — instantly. Any argument afterwards will be welcome, because that postpones the do even more,” claims Ombati.

A few women we spoke to weren’t, however, too impressed with Ombati’s so-called foolproof strategy.

“That is evil and extremely selfish of the man,” says Rose Tum, a 33-year old tutor at a Nairobi  college. “I mean, he can just say he is not up to it, not that women are such nags. We are understanding.”

Not necessarily true. Another woman, who did not want to be named, calls this approach, childish, saying only the weak and the slow can opt for such.

“Real men, speak up and should not afraid of telling their woman the truth. It hurts, but it’s far much better than obvious lies,” she says, obviously irked by the cleverness of this manipulative strategy.

But what these two women don’t let on is that any time a woman wants it and the man does not, the man is confronted with all manner of questions. Are you sleeping out with other women? Do you hate me? Have I added weight? Is it that I don’t turn you on anymore? All questions will be about her self-esteem. And a man will have to carefully word his defense with the razor-sharp wit of a lawyer accompanied by the humility of a respectable preacher. But still, some wives hardly understand. So some men would rather try and fail, or deliver an underwhelming performance than face the tirade.

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