The Most Common Pitfalls for Men Getting Married In Kenya !

‘Kenyans invest in shoes and beer and don’t want to invest in their health…’ Professor Anyang Nyong was quoted some while back.  I listened to this comment from the public health minister realized this truism could only make sense to those who cared to think about what he meant.

For a moment if you think of getting married soon you need to be critical and embrace reality instead of living in Mexican soap operas idiocy. I have taken time to research how young men are getting wasted by the pursuit of a DREAM WEDDING DAY some going to the extent of borrowing from financial institutions to just make a show.

The problem starts with the local airwaves that are buzzing with
innumerable shows about weddings, soaps and Nigeria movies that our ladies adore the way most of us enjoy watching football. Soon on later someone gets the idea that they want to have the MAGICAL wedding that will outdo so and so’s wedding…

As a young man when faced with such a situation you need to think critically lest you will have a big day followed by several debts, sleepless nights, broken friendships and worst a bad marriage thereafter..So here is my advice from what I have gathered from those who have been there done that...

Problem #1: Trying to please her every relative and your friends

Solution: Curb your partner’s Love for things you can’t afford

When dating most of us are reduced to accepting everything that she proposes without knowing where the money is coming from. This makes you think that a loan can be a good option for just a day…I think differently. If I was told to invest for the health care of my family that am about to start or in having a big wedding day, I would choose the former.

Considering majority of those getting married earn below 50 k it makes more sense to have a less pompous day and a secure future than the other option. In fact if you asked me I would choose the D.C route. Letting your partner know what you can afford and what you can; will make things easier for you.

More often than not you will agree to anything she says for fear of being seen as indecisive or stubborn but it pays when you choose to put things the way they are instead of the way they are supposed to be.

Problem #2: Losing Grip on your Control

Solution:  Learn to say the Simple word ‘NO’

This is the hardest thing you can when you are dating. Most men are transformed to YES puppets. If you are not comfortable with something you should be assertive and learn to say no.

You would rather someone walks away than you get into something knowing it has obvious fault lines.

 I wonder if anyone one of us can walk and seat inside a plane that has obviously seen faults…if you cannot do that why put yourself in a prison of your choice for the rest of your life! Learn to say no to what you don’t like!

Problem# 3: Rushing to get married

Solution: Stop emulating your friends, peers and curb your urge to compete or outdo someone else. Remember this is not a Relay!

I once asked my aunt if she thought I was getting ‘late’ she just replied ‘ you cannot put love on the table in place for food’ …think about it for a while and you will see.

For you to have a successful family you need to have a solid foundation to avoid what I call ‘aibu ndogo ndogo’. So work hard and make some savings and don’t just be in a rush…take your time.

Problem # 4: Impulse spending and lack of a definite budget

Solution: Ask her during dating if she makes her personal budget

Answers: NO...you are in for a Real Problem here

Answers: YES...You have a good start

Answers: Sometimes ….there are fare chances of something good coming out here but you will have to work harder

If you have a budget and stick to it and your partner is in consent with it , you will have a smooth time with little borrowing times and innumerable fins moments. Virtually the money we earn all of us enough to make us wealthy and happier in life but spending it is what creates the difference between opulence and misery.

So take time to let her know you operate with a budget  ...You just don’t wake up and walk to Westgate and start picking this , that and this one without planning for things ahead.

Let’s be realistic and learn to live the way life is, we should shun trying too hard to impress while we do it at a very high cost that leaves us broke when starting the real thing …’Marriage begins after the ceremony’